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Experiencing rejection, notably when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. Someone is saying no, giving a definite “Nope.” As a writer, I am no stranger to rejection. I started proposing story ideas five decades ago, upon college graduation. From that point, I have had two novels declined, along with book ideas and countless essays. Over the past two decades, focusing on op-eds, the rejections have only increased. On average, I receive a setback multiple times weekly—totaling in excess of 100 each year. Cumulatively, denials throughout my life exceed a thousand. Today, I could claim a advanced degree in handling no’s.

But, does this seem like a complaining rant? Absolutely not. Since, now, at 73 years old, I have accepted being turned down.

In What Way Have I Accomplished It?

A bit of background: At this point, almost everyone and their relatives has rejected me. I’ve never tracked my acceptance statistics—it would be quite demoralizing.

As an illustration: recently, an editor nixed 20 submissions one after another before accepting one. Back in 2016, over 50 book publishers declined my manuscript before a single one gave the green light. Subsequently, 25 literary agents passed on a nonfiction book proposal. A particular editor suggested that I send my work less frequently.

My Steps of Setback

In my 20s, each denial were painful. It felt like a personal affront. I believed my writing was being turned down, but me as a person.

Right after a piece was turned down, I would begin the phases of denial:

• Initially, disbelief. How could this happen? How could editors be blind to my skill?
• Second, refusal to accept. Surely you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an oversight.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do editors know? Who appointed you to decide on my efforts? You’re stupid and the magazine is subpar. I deny your no.
• After that, anger at the rejecters, followed by anger at myself. Why do I subject myself to this? Could I be a masochist?
• Subsequently, negotiating (often mixed with optimism). What will it take you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, despair. I lack skill. Additionally, I’ll never be any good.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Notable Company

Certainly, I was in fine fellowship. Accounts of authors whose manuscripts was originally turned down are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Almost every writer of repute was initially spurned. If they could succeed despite no’s, then possibly I could, too. The sports icon was dropped from his high school basketball team. The majority of American leaders over the recent history had previously lost races. The actor-writer estimates that his Rocky screenplay and desire to star were declined 1,500 times. “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle to motivate me and get going, not backing down,” he stated.

Acceptance

Later, when I entered my senior age, I reached the last step of rejection. Acceptance. Now, I grasp the various causes why a publisher says no. Firstly, an editor may have just published a comparable article, or have something underway, or just be considering a similar topic for another contributor.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my idea is not appealing. Or maybe the evaluator feels I don’t have the experience or stature to be suitable. Or isn’t in the market for the work I am offering. Maybe was busy and reviewed my piece hastily to see its value.

Go ahead call it an realization. Anything can be declined, and for any reason, and there is pretty much not much you can do about it. Some rationales for denial are forever out of your hands.

Your Responsibility

Additional reasons are your fault. Admittedly, my proposals may occasionally be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and resonance, or the point I am trying to express is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being too similar. Maybe something about my grammar, especially semicolons, was annoying.

The essence is that, despite all my decades of effort and rejection, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve written two books—the initial one when I was middle-aged, my second, a personal story, at older—and over 1,000 articles. These works have appeared in magazines major and minor, in diverse platforms. An early piece ran decades ago—and I have now contributed to that publication for half a century.

However, no blockbusters, no book signings in bookshops, no appearances on TV programs, no presentations, no book awards, no Pulitzers, no international recognition, and no national honor. But I can better handle rejection at my age, because my, humble successes have cushioned the jolts of my setbacks. I can afford to be reflective about it all now.

Valuable Rejection

Rejection can be instructive, but only if you heed what it’s attempting to show. If not, you will probably just keep taking rejection incorrectly. What lessons have I learned?

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